


Fists and Broken Bottles

by Rhymefire



Series: Soldiers and Engineers [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: katis is my new favourite character, kids are crazy, pre sparring?, seriously, sparring sort of, stolen hot plates, the mess sergeant is the worst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhymefire/pseuds/Rhymefire
Summary: Garrus is nervous about the task Commander Shepard has given him: to teach his sister how to fight. Jane is sarcastic, doesn't take him seriously and her kid wants them to get together. That's before Shepard decides that Jane is the perfect person to send on an undercover mission to capture Samara's daughter. It's going to be a long day.





	1. Chapter 1

Jane muttered to herself as she prepared her son’s dinner. Katis sat on his bed and watched her. She gestured at him with her knife. “I mean, seriously, what the fucking hell is wrong with him? Gardner is an asshole. He’s going to kill the turians and quarians here, I’m telling you. With his filth. I bet he smells like garbage.”

Katis’ mandibles spread into a grin. “He smells sweaty.”

“Knew it.” She tipped the ingredients into the pot – balanced precariously on a stolen hot plate – and shook her head. Someone knocked on the door. “Go get that grasshopper. If it’s the therapist, do mommy a solid and kick her in the shins.”

It turned out to be Garrus. He cocked a brow when he saw her sitting cross-legged on the floor beside a pot. “You’re late for your lesson.”

“Yep.” She didn’t move. Katis plopped himself beside her. “Okay, taste.” She dipped a spoon into the stew and held it out.

He took it from her and regarded it seriously. He ate it and nodded. “It’s great, mom.”

She scoffed at him and gave him a playful shove. “Obviously. I was just testing you.”

Garrus sighed quietly and sat beside her. He peered dubiously into the pot. “Why are you cooking? The mess sergeant makes good food for-“

“Don’t even get me started on him,” she groaned. “Did you know he doesn’t wash his hands before he cooks? It’s disgusting. I’m not letting him poison my kid with his yucky, filthy hands. And he’s the one who does the cleaning too. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that? A janitor should not be the chef as well. Ew.”

“I saw you eating his food yesterday.”

“Well I don’t have a turians fragile immune system.”

He laughed. “Hey, we’re not fragile. Not like you squishy humans.”

“Please. A bite of the wrong food and you’re all crying because of allergies or something. Lame.”

“It’s a matter of nutrients, and I’m not allergic.”

“I’m still not letting Katis eat that tub of lard’s food.”

He regarded the hot plate as though it might catch fire. “Are you even allowed to have that in here?”

She shrugged. “Aren’t we late for a lesson or something?”

Katis shot up, nearly spilling his bowl of stew. “Can I watch?”

“Only if you cheer for mommy.”

Her son chirped happily and rushed to the door. “Come on! Let’s go!”

She smiled and shook her head. “Turns out little kids are all the same, no matter the race. Small and yappy.”

Garrus let out a flanging laugh. She sighed. “This is so not needed. I can’t believe John’s making me do this.”

Garrus nudged her. “Relax, I won’t be too hard on you. Right now, I just need to figure out how much you know.”

Katis piped up. “Mom’s really good at slapping people and hitting them with bottles.”

Garrus cocked his brow again. “Bottles?”

She slugged him in the arm. “Shut up. And get out of my room so I can get changed. I don’t want to get these clothes ripped or something.”

She pushed the turians outside and shut the door. She leaned against it and groaned. She’d really hoped that Garrus would forget all about this. She grumbled as she changed into her workout clothes. A sports bra and leggings should do just fine. She tied her hair back and looked at herself in the mirror. Good enough.

As soon as she stepped outside, Garrus’ mandibles flared out and Katis started laughing. “Are you two going to have sex?” he asked.

Jane stared at her son. “What.” She started laughing too. She knelt down so she could look Katis in the eyes. She pulled herself together and put her hands on his shoulders. “Yes.” Garrus sputtered. She waved a hand at him to shut him up. “We’re going to roll all over the floor in that inventory room and have sex for the whole day. It’s all we’re going to do. And you get to watch.”

Katis squealed and hid his face. “Ew. That’s gross! I don’t want to be there.”

“Too bad. And you still have to cheer for mommy.”

“Noooooo!” Katis ran down the hallway.

She dashed after him and tossed him over her shoulder. He laughed and beat at her with his fists. “You’re the one who wanted to watch, grasshopper. Come on, Garrus. Let’s go scar my kid for life.”

Garrus stifled a laugh. “She’s joking, Katis.”

“Come on, man. Don’t be embarrassed. We’re both adults. Besides, Garrus is Archangel. Isn’t that cool, grasshopper? Want Archangel to be your new daddy?”

Garrus groaned. “Trust me, you don’t want me as a parent.”

Katis stopped struggling so Jane put him down. The young turian shot towards Garrus. “Really? That’s so cool! Mommy, you have to have sex with Garrus so he can be my daddy, okay? Please?”

She laughed and scratched her son’s fringe. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see. Run along. Get. Go. Shoo.”

“But you said I could watch.”

She pulled him off Garrus’ leg. “Yeah, I changed my mind. Go bother Joker or something.”

Katis huffed. “Okay, okay.” He turned back to Garrus and looked at him seriously. “You can have sex with mommy, okay? I won’t beat you up or anything.”

Jane roared with laughter. “That’s my little fighter. Now get lost.” As soon as Katis was out of sight, she shook her head. “Kids, right? Fucking hilarious.” She started towards the inventory room. She looked back when she realized Garrus hadn’t moved. “You coming or what?”

He shook himself out of whatever thoughts he’d been in. “Yes.”

* * *

 

After the lesson, Garrus lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. She was hopeless. The only thing she did know was how to throw a punch, and to be honest even her punching could use some work. Even though Shepard had told him that his sister was a beginner, he had expected her to know more. A fighting stance, at least.

He had sparred with the Commander before. Shepard approached fighting the same way he approached everything; with coolness and efficiency. Jane was the exact opposite. He would never say it to Shepard, but Jane was more likely to burn down someone’s home and steal their credits than fight them fairly. She had no idea how to dodge. She had no idea how to strategize. She had no idea how to keep a clear head. She was a mess.

He had a lot of work cut out for him. The hardest part would be getting her to take the lessons seriously. Jane had snarked at him the whole time and not listened to a word he said. He had the feeling that she could be an excellent fighter if properly molded, but there was no way to get through to her. It was clear to him that she’d already written him off as ‘military.’ Still, she fascinated him. He just needed to think of a way to get her to listen.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re serious?” Jane asked. She braced herself against the table. The only others in the communications room were Samara and her brother. She was grateful for the (relative) privacy.

John said, “This is very important. Morinth is extremely dangerous and Samara’s been tracking her down for the past 400 years. She’s killed dozens of people.”

“Yeah, but…. Okay. You want me to go into a club and seduce a killer asari?”

“Yes.” Her brother regarded her calmly, as though this was something completely normal.

Samara stepped forward. “I realize it’s dangerous, but you have the best chances of attracting her attention. My daughter would prefer you over anyone else on board.”

She groaned. “Great. Thanks Samara. That really helped. I’m just so confident now.”

“You don’t need to be sarcastic,” John said.

“I’m not exactly the best with people, okay? Besides, this isn’t exactly the best pitch.”

“All you need to do is act how you normally do in clubs.”

Jane laughed. “You want me to drink heavily, start fights and break shit?”

“Yes.”

Samara made a pained expression. “Morinth would be drawn to someone who did that.”

She blinked owlishly at her brother, then shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

* * *

 

Shepard waved him over. Garrus sighed heavily. “Are you sure about sending your sister in?” He asked. Shepard gave him an odd little smile and didn’t answer. Instead he led him to the cockpit. Garrus tried very hard to stop his mandibles from flaring in embarrassment when he heard what Joker was listening to. Maybe he could send Katis in to steal the horny pilot’s headphones, although he doubted Jane would appreciate him encouraging her child to steal. No, he was wrong. She would love it. That alone was reason enough not to do it.

“Joker,” Shepard said, “I want you to hack into the club’s cameras. I want to keep an eye on Jane while she’s in there.”

The pilot nodded. “Sure thing.”

Thankfully, he turned the porn off. All three of them crowded around the monitor. The security cameras captured a grainy image, but it was good enough for them see clearly. Shepard pointed to a figure at the bottom of the screen. “There she is.”

Her clothes were ragged and torn. She practically skipped through the crowd. Garrus shook his head when she deftly swiped a drink off a distracted turian’s table and downed it. “She knows that’s not safe for her to drink, right?” He asked.

Shepard shrugged. “I don’t think she cares.” His brow furrowed slightly. “I don’t know why she stole it in the first place. I told her that anything she bought would be put on Cerberus’ tab.”

Joker chuckled. “They have a tab?”

“They do now.”

Joker laughed. “That’s cold, commander.” John’s lips quirked up slightly. As though them talking about it had somehow made Jane remember that fact, she launched herself at the bar and ordered an outrageous number of drinks.

Garrus couldn’t help but laugh when the bar cheered. “Miranda’s going to be pissed.”

It was oddly nerve-wracking seeing her move through the dingy club. She blazed through it as though she hadn’t a care on the world. She knocked back stolen drinks as though on a path to self-destruction. She danced as though if she stopped moving her light would gutter out. Garrus snuck a glance at the eternally-controlled human beside him. John watched her calmly. He did not appear particularly interested, even though he’d started this. In fact, he looked slightly bored. It was impossible that these two humans were siblings, but he could see that they shared a jawline, a nose and the same way of sighing when irritated. It was slightly dizzying when you thought about it too hard.

John still looked slightly bored when his sister bared her teeth at a well-muscled turian and swayed towards him. Garrus’ grip tightened on the back of Joker’s chair. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding onto that.

Jane snapped something at the turian and lurched closer. The turian shoved her away and a nearby asari made a peculiar distressed gesture. The turian smiled in a way that made Garrus’ mandibles tighten with supressed anger. Bastard. Jane collapsed onto a bar stool as though completely winded. She curled around a bottle of booze as though sulking. Then Garrus caught the glint in her eye.

Jane shattered the bottle against the table – spilling liquid everywhere – and tackled the turian. Her thighs clamped around his waist – Garrus clamped down on an unreasonable twinge of jealousy – and her weight slammed him to the floor. She raised her hand and light flashed off the sharp edges of glass along the edges of the broken bottle. She brought it down wildly, grinning maniacally as though completely losing herself to bloodlust. He was suddenly very glad – and honestly a bit disappointed – that she never came with them on missions.

After a few more disconnected swipes she stood up and skipped backwards. Garrus sighed when he saw how she fell into a perfect stance for knife-fighting. The turian snarled something and scrambled backwards. Garrus bumped John with an elbow. “Your sister uses knives, right?”

“Butterfly knives.”

“Of course.”

A dangerous looking asari waved Jane over. Garrus felt his stomach twist nervously when they left the club.


End file.
